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When feeling guilty is a good thing

I can’t believe it’s almost September!

I love the fall, the cool weather, the energy. 

Fall is always a busy season. 

Back to school, back to caring for so many people, and so many things.

So, it’s a good time of year to re-set boundaries. 

To listen to your deepest needs. 

To move forward with kindness and compassion, for YOU.

 

 Fearless Steps–When Feeling Guilty is a Good Thing…..

 

Everyday I work with amazing women who struggle to say NO to others, because saying it makes them feel…Guilty. These fierce, caring women don’t want to disappoint…anyone. So they say YES to everything/everyone else, even when they’re exhausted, even when they know in their guts what they would truly like to do, which is say, NO. 

Sound familiar?

Guilt is challenging. It’s a big, loud bully, and a very convincing one. It shows up spewing snippy stories about how if you say NO, you’re being mean, you’re a bad person. How you did something wrong, and no one will like you. And it’s easy to get hooked into these stories.

But what if we called Guilt’s bluff, and embraced the feeling as a sign that we’re taking a stand for ourselves, listening to and taking care of ourselves? 

That we’re badass, ready to challenge guilt to make time/space for our needs, desires, goals and joys?

What if when we felt guilty, we pulled on our sassy pants and said, 

“Oh wait, this is great. I feel this way because I said YES to me and sorry, 

NO, to someone else?”

I’m telling you this because women have been socialized to be nice, to always say, YES to others’ needs. Here’s the truth: Saying NO to others is not mean! In fact, it’s essential for your Well being. For your peace, and for your ability to be truly loving to others. By saying YES to you and NO to others you’re prioritizing Your needs (what?). You’re opening up a delicious, restorative space for YOU, which will bring back your energy, resilience, strength, and sense of humor! 

I’m telling you this because I want you to know you have absolute Permission to set boundaries, and take good care of You!

Saying NO is a Self-Care skill. 

Saying NO is like putting up a little fence, or closing a door. It’s a boundary to protect your time so you can do nourishing, joyful, necessary things, for YOU.

When you feel afraid of the NO you wish you could say, Try:

1. I wonder what would happen if? (I said No to Henrietta and YES to me right now?)

2. Ask Guilt to show you the terrible thing you’ve done. Ask Guilt to haul it out here, bring it right now for you to see. Guilt will say, The terrible thing you did was, say NO to picking up Henrietta at the airport. Can you be ok with that?

3. Practice disappointing someone every day–Yup-I said EVERYDAY! And of course you can be compassionate, share–“I’m so sorry, I can see/feel that you’re disappointed. I do care about you, and I need to say NO here.”

We have the right to say YES and NO as we choose. I believe in being kind, supportive and caring, and to be that for others, I need to start with me. I need to rest, restore and nourish ME so that I can give (without resentment) to those I care about. I need to set limits on my giving. 

Saying YES to you is brave, self-loving, compassionate. 

It gets easier over time and the rewards are AMAZING!

As you practice saying YES to you, you raise your tolerance to feeling guilty. 

Begin with Baby steps.

Keep going. 

Cheer for you!

Notice how you feel. It might be scary at first. 

Take all the time you need.  

Be brave! Badass! Be the Boss of you :)

Yes.You.Can 

 

xoxo

Susan

 

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